April Fool

well, i've been bitched at a few times for having quite the cold spell for posting, so i guess i'm gonna drop a little random content on you. a little bit o this, a little bit o that i guess you could say. 98% of which will likely not be interesting and will bring about little comment. but i guess if i'm helping children read then i'm doing something purposeful.

school:
so few or so many words could sum up school right now. i've definitely been much more comfortable with this semester. as it's winding down i find myself maintaining pretty good grades in all my classes. after a few lovely test performances and just overall well doing, i find myself with expectations to live up to though. i must fight for a rocking end of the semester so my A's don't turn to B's and maybe turn that B to an A. could i pull out the 4.0? i bet my parents would be so proud(i know you'll read this candy).
overall my enthusiasm for school is still at an all time low. i guess my enthusiasm for school has always been low, but motivation to perform has also been low. believe me, i have my "fuck it" limits, but it's always been teetering. the general view of school these days seems to be that it's just means to an end. people go to school to get a job. you want to be a journalist? go to school and learn how to be one. but do people really look at the classes they are going to take with excitement? hell no. not one person expresses enthusiasm for a class's content. they bitch about going to class, they bitch about homework, they bitch about the tests. they can't wait until school is going to be over. because they know that when that degree is plopped in their hand they can flash it to businesses and say "look what i got, apparently this means that i'm a viable candidate for such and such job." looking to the future of self employment has helped me a little bit though. i actually can picture my knowledge as tools for myself to be successful. school is still locked down by standards though and i'm drudging through my generals with disdain. i can't wait to get out of this lower level bullshit, these "attendance is important and mandatory" classes. attendance is important when you actually use what you hear in class. i, on the other hand, jot down notes that come test time i never look at. i read the chapters, look at the class slides which are then available online, and seem to score some high marks. placing importance on attendance simply seems to be a way of socializing us to being on time when we are drones in the coporate world. thank god i've looked at the very well possibility of me not being one of them.

this is actually turning out to be a lot.

next on the agenda, the social life:
this is the same again. hardly meeting anyone new, hardly falling in love. i've grown much more accustomed to my place however and realize it's where i want to be. i know they say college is about experiencing life and such, and i also know they say don't knock it til you try it. anyway, this is getting to my next point. i've realized that i have a nagging voice in my head preventing me from being shallow. a past few instances where nothing actually happened, they were moreso hypothetical and maybe possible situations, i found myself telling myself i don't want that. why go for the easy thing that will bring a little joy for a moment but then leave you either regretting or even trying to forgive your way past the situation? i put a heavy importance on my own character and definitely look at it more than anything else in other people. i'm not one to preach my judgements to these others, and i hardly feel myself in any position to say these people that seek out these "shallow" interests as any lesser a person than me. i just don't want it, it ain't my scene.
mostly i'm cursed by my being though. i've had this discussion with a few people that my redeeming qualities are not surface qualities. this pretty much can leave my surface bland in a lot of cases. i'm not a 6'1 muscle man that parties hard and talks a smooth game. but people can't just jump in on a deep level with me right away and see what others seem to say are my best qualities. therefore i'm the wallflower. you may see me around and recognize my face, but there's little interest in my person. in fact, you may be put off by my quietness and seeming disinterest in the moment. but i guess get to know me and i'm a great guy. once again rambling so i'll just sum it up in a sentence. i may not be the life of the party, but i'm a great guy if you get to know me. getting people to get to know me has seemed to be the hard part though cause i'm far too deep to learn in a week.

blah blah blah, yak yak yak. as for now i'll keep my steady work out regimen of the lifting and the running. hopefully i'll be able to get the hot body to get the ladies wantin to know me. i'm also just tryin to survive the rest of this semester and prayin for a summer job.