all dressed up with no place to go
i find myself in an odd position right now, and i really can't figure what factors are contributing to this. can passion exist without ambition? i have all sorts of goals in life, i feel, but right now i am at a loss as to how i want to acheive these.
right now it's kind of affecting some of my old views. i always thought balance was the key, but balance is hardly going to help me with all my goals. right now i'm dealing with 3 major things that all seem to cut into eachother in one way or another. i'm going to school, which can be a pretty demanding thing, especially if you want to get something out of your classes. everyone can coast through and do just what needs to be done, but what is it worth if you don't take anything from it. apart from that, i'm working about 20 hours a week because frankly i don't want to be poor. and thirdly, something some might consider trivial is my social life. i wanna be able to get out, meet new people. i wanna have fun this year and make some new friends. but all these things seem to cut into eachother and kind of cut into other hobbies of mine. it's been a goal of mine to get back into shape, but getting on a consistent workout schedule has been hard. i'd also like to work on gettin better at the guitar because it's something i really enjoy. but that's really taking a backseat.
now some people would say this is entirely manageable, but people have different energy levels. i just don't have the energy to be fittin all this into a nice schedule without getting stressed. and that's another important factor i'm keepin in the equation is not gettin myself stressed out. it's just a weird thing about me, and i don't know how it could be fixed, but i can be kind of lazy, and beyond that, my attention span seems to be pretty small. my focus in general is just kind of lost right now. bein able to focus on my schoolwork, bein able to focus in class, bein able to focus my actions and goals for whatever it is i'm lookin for in life.
it's sometimes said that people need to "discover" themselves so they can figure out what they want to do with their life. but this is why i feel i'm in a weird position. i don't feel like i don't know who i am. i feel well aware of my talents and strengths, i just really don't know what i want to do with them.
sometimes i wonder if these things make uniform sense. i always feel like i start these off with a major point and certain things i want to mention. then i get half way through and realize i've thought about 8 times more things than i've typed. but then i wonder if there really would be any way to actually organize all my thoughts into something that made sense. and i guess that's just what i need to do with myself right now, get organized.
posted by Scotteth too hotteth @ 11:53 PM
7 Comments:
As you said, you need to find a balance in life. Right now your life is NOT in balance. Not because you are not trying, but because you are not finding fullfillment in one of the areas, and that can tend to invade and adversely affect the other areas. What you really need is a more rewarding "social/relationship" area in your life. You can work hard at learning and making money, but if at the end of the day all you have to come home to is yourself, it's kind of all hollow. When you have a great social life (i.e. relationships) it gives you an energy and it motivates you like nothing else can. This can include great friendships as well as love relationships. I'm not saying that you should sacrifice the other two to get the third, but perhaps once this area of your life is going better, the others will too and you will finally find your energy/motivation.
There are times in your life when one area or two areas need to take a back seat, but that shouldn't go on indefinitely. Find that balance for yourself. I really think that once you get more out of your relationships and social life, the rest won't feel quite so unfullfilling.
insight from someone whose insights i've grown to more truly appreciate these last few years.
I agree with guess who. When social relationships are great, you get an extra energy because of the good things involved. But they aren't great all of the time. You need to have your own set of priorities. Whether that is music, work, activity, or people, you need to rank them yourself. And right, you need to pick and choose the times to order them. Like right now in this setting of the college experience it should be something like social atmosphere, school and activity, then work because I know your situation and you are fine financially. I mean how many times in the rest of your life are you going to be in a situation surrounded by 14,000 people your own age and only have like a 4 hour commitment a day. But the real test is if you are comfortable with yourself (which I know you are), your passions, what you believe in, and what drives you. For myself I have always been a bit of a perfectionist and work hard for everything. So on the basis of what my passions are, that would be schoolwork (because I can't stand to fail) and activity because of my interests, profession, and past experiences. This takes a lot of commitment, so right, some things do take a back seat. And Scott I know you know who is writing this and how I am. I have valued strong friendships forever because that is the support, and I love everyone and get along with all people. But the social scene isn't always up to code for me and I take heat for it. That is when I find out who is the true friend. It is like a game for me, people who criticise my tendencies make me laugh on the inside because, first who are they to criticise and tell me what to do, 2nd they say they are a true friend, but then why would the question my beliefs. That is why I love going to class everyday, I have class with people who are interested in the same things I am, but yet we each lead our own lives and on the outside we do what we do, but while we are there we enjoy the shit out of it. This totally got off course, but with you writing this blog all I can say are in the words of Vince Vaughn, "its time to check to see what's in here (heart)" That is where you will find the answer. Right, if you come home to yourself everyday, it is a bit hollow, but you still have those true friends to have your back when you need it and your passions outside of it like music, granted all of their panties aren't droppin like bombs over Baghdad, but it is only one day. If the social scene is that important, then sure it should be up there, especially right now. Like everyone says "We have the rest of our life to work." Open coot season might not be so regular in a couple of years. But just remember, it is all about you, what you want to do, what drives you, and what your passion is. If someone tests that or criticises your judgement, fuck them, come find me and we'll go double team their sister.
Man, I'd like to know who was typing that one. Was it Hobbsy?!
Well whoever it was he did make a good point. You just need to figure out what is most important to you and then go for it. When I said "social life" I was not referring to partying, etc. I meant having good solid relationships - which can be with either gender. It's taking the time to build on those relationships that makes them special. You need to invest some of your time and mostly just some of yourself to have the really good relationships. When you share parts of yourself with somebody that you don't easily share with everybody, that's what makes the relationship more special. That also allows the other person to open up and share parts of themselves with you - also enhancing the relationship. So I agree with your last poster - if you have true friends and the love of family in your life, that will sustain you during those tough times of all work and no play. Don't go on that way forever though, or you'll get burned out - unless (as the poster said) you are really passionate about it.
PS - It doesn't hurt to have a little kissy kissy huggy huggy every once in a while either!! ;)
Let me know if you need any of that "kissy kissy huggy huggy" that was previously mentioned.
Are you volunteering yourself Logan - or do you have a bevy of beauties for Scott to chose from?
Both. He can have some of my fighting groupies. I have to abstain for a few weeks around fight times anyway. The ladies get angry and will happily take Scotty.
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