all dressed up with no place to go

i find myself in an odd position right now, and i really can't figure what factors are contributing to this. can passion exist without ambition? i have all sorts of goals in life, i feel, but right now i am at a loss as to how i want to acheive these.

right now it's kind of affecting some of my old views. i always thought balance was the key, but balance is hardly going to help me with all my goals. right now i'm dealing with 3 major things that all seem to cut into eachother in one way or another. i'm going to school, which can be a pretty demanding thing, especially if you want to get something out of your classes. everyone can coast through and do just what needs to be done, but what is it worth if you don't take anything from it. apart from that, i'm working about 20 hours a week because frankly i don't want to be poor. and thirdly, something some might consider trivial is my social life. i wanna be able to get out, meet new people. i wanna have fun this year and make some new friends. but all these things seem to cut into eachother and kind of cut into other hobbies of mine. it's been a goal of mine to get back into shape, but getting on a consistent workout schedule has been hard. i'd also like to work on gettin better at the guitar because it's something i really enjoy. but that's really taking a backseat.

now some people would say this is entirely manageable, but people have different energy levels. i just don't have the energy to be fittin all this into a nice schedule without getting stressed. and that's another important factor i'm keepin in the equation is not gettin myself stressed out. it's just a weird thing about me, and i don't know how it could be fixed, but i can be kind of lazy, and beyond that, my attention span seems to be pretty small. my focus in general is just kind of lost right now. bein able to focus on my schoolwork, bein able to focus in class, bein able to focus my actions and goals for whatever it is i'm lookin for in life.

it's sometimes said that people need to "discover" themselves so they can figure out what they want to do with their life. but this is why i feel i'm in a weird position. i don't feel like i don't know who i am. i feel well aware of my talents and strengths, i just really don't know what i want to do with them.

sometimes i wonder if these things make uniform sense. i always feel like i start these off with a major point and certain things i want to mention. then i get half way through and realize i've thought about 8 times more things than i've typed. but then i wonder if there really would be any way to actually organize all my thoughts into something that made sense. and i guess that's just what i need to do with myself right now, get organized.

unoriginal

do you ever have a bad dream that wakes you up? then you sit there and think about it as your falling asleep and dream about it again? eh?

does digging a sliver out of your hand with a dull, rusty utility knife really solve your problem?

do you know anyone that has ever gotten lockjaw?

no work on labor day = beer.

school

why is it that i feel i don't care what others think about me, yet i feel like a dumbass a lot? the answer to this and more at 10. just kidding.

well, first week of school is done. only 15? more to go. and goody me i have a philosophy class so i get to be presented with mind boggling concepts and pick away at my own beliefs and reasoning. don't be surprised if that comes up a lot on here.

time to go be hungover.